Liza’s Story
Many of you have stories about the loss of a loved one, which would be helpful to others, if shared. Some are happy, some are sad, and some may make the reader angry because a loved one was treated with disrespect or their wishes were not followed as they had directed. We’d like you to share your story with others, by writing it on the back of this page or on a separate paper and sending it to us in the enclosed envelope.

To help you recall your story, here is the story of Liza Carolina Lister. Liza was diagnosed with leukemia on the eve of her 4th birthday and died 12 days after her 6th birthday. She had a precise picture in mind of how she wanted to die, and with the help of her parents, she directed her own death.

As Liza’s disease progressed beyond any known medical treatments, she and her parents talked to the oncologist. Liza asked if she was going to die from her leukemia and her doctor responded that she would. She began zeroing in on the “when” by asking if she would live to be ten, then seven, and heard “I don’t think so” to both. When she asked about her 6th birthday, which was only a few months away, the doctor replied with “I hope so”. This became her goal -- to make it through her 6th birthday. Liza had conversations with her parents about dying, and one day, she announced, “I know how I want to die. I want to die sitting on Mother’s lap, and I want to have my lullabye tape playing.”

Her parents always took her tape along for extended stays at the hospital. There were many conversations with Liza after this, about what happens when someone dies and whether they will be remembered. Liza was afraid of dying alone and wished someone could go with her. Her parents said, “A little of each of us will be with you and a little piece of you will always remain in each of our hearts.” It was comforting to know that she would not be alone on her journey. Although Liza was too sick to enjoy her 6th birthday, she made it through hers, as well as her sister’s a few days later. On a day shortly after, she expressed how “very tired” she was, and said she needed to know it was ok to give up the fight. Later that evening she laid her head on her mothers shoulder and went into a coma. She died just 8 hours later.

Liza’s story shows us that when we talk about our wishes and prepare, death can be a calm passing.

[Liza’s Story is adapted from “Giving a Voice to Sorrow: Personal Responses to Death and Mourning” (New York: Perigee/Penguin Putnam, 2001)